How to Fail as a University Student: Practical Guidelines for Wasting Your Academic Years

I think success is overrated! Why stress yourself over lectures, assignments, stifling deadlines and personal growth when you can just enjoy campus life to the fullest, without worrying about the future? If your goal is to graduate with regrets, wasted opportunities, and no sense of direction, follow these 6 foolproof steps to failure. Trust me, they work like magic!

Procrastinate Like a Pro

There's no rush in life. I don't even see the need of starting early to work on assignments, and projects or even prepare for tests and examinations. That frenzy that comes with waiting for the last minute and running after lecturers or course reps to submit assignments and project works cannot be likened to another. So, don't worry or get yourself worked up over deadlines. You've got to take things slowly and at your pace. Who likes stress by the way?

Avoid Attending Lectures 

You can agree with me that lectures are extremely boring. Having to sit or even stand (as the case may be) and watch some professor talk for lengthy hours about something that you won't have any need of in the near future is torture on its own. No sane person should wake up early and prepare to attend classes when there are lots of places to go with friends, games to play, movies to watch and hot gists to tell. Besides, who needs class notes when you can beg your serious-minded coursemates for theirs the night before an exam? 

Run away from extracurricular activities 

Do not take this for granted! Extracurricular activities are tiresome and simply of no use. Is there any need to be an active member of reputable student bodies, attend conferences, or get out of your bedroom to network with resourceful individuals? Certainly not! Those are for overambitious people who think the world revolves around them and you don't want to be like such people.

Spend Lavishly

Who cares about saving or financial discipline when you can just throw parties, buy expensive clothes and jewelries, eat in restaurants or lodge in hotels on nights when you need some quiet? As a matter of fact, money will always come. God has always promised to answer His children when they call. And if you eventually go broke, just blame the economy or start borrowing money from friends who actually planned their expenses.

Neglect Your Relationship With God

Pay no attention to all those spiritually-minded students who are always in church praying or going about God's business. They are not better Christians than you because they take their walk with God seriously. Ignore the fact that faith gives you direction, discipline, and inner peace—those things aren’t fun, after all. I mean, campus life is all about freedom and no one, not even God should interfere with that.

Hang Out With Friends Who Don't Spur You to Great Things

“Your network determines your networth.” Thrash that talk! Make friends with whomever you will. Feel free to explore, attend parties and do what makes you feel happy with the people you can call homies even if they are not adding any positive value to your life. 

Stick with those who are lazy, and nonchalant towards academics and those who say things like: “School na scam” or “You don’t need good grades to succeed”—they’re the real MVPs!

I should wrap it up here. These steps are more than enough to ensure you graduate (if you even make it that far) with regrets, missed opportunities, and an uncertain future. But hey, if you actually want to make the best out of your uni days, maybe—just maybe—you should do the opposite of everything on this list.